Skip to main content

This Old House

We finally decided to paint the old farm house. It had some sort of stucco on it that was rough with little pinkish and beige sharp-edged pebbles I'd always disliked. The stucco had never been painted, and although it probably wasn't as old as the house itself (which was built around 1900), it was definitely old.

In the 1970s a one-storey addition was built on, pointing the way further up the drive toward the old bank barn. It too had never been painted and was an unsightly brick.



















We had sort of done what we could with the place, put in new windows, added a deck. But we had never considered just painting it.

Until now. But what colour? In Ontario all houses, though they are wood-framed, have either a brick or a stone exterior, and they come in every shade of beige or mud brown imaginable.

It is a strange thing that even the few houses with stucco or aluminum siding on them are beige or mud brown. In Nova Scotia or Newfoundland, as in many other parts of the world, the houses are bright pink and blue and green and red, each vying to be more noticeable than the next. Here in Ontario they are beige or mud brown, trying to be as indistinguishable as possible from their neighbours. I've often wondered why that is, why all buildings are "neutral," as though afraid to take a position. Their owners will talk about "resale value," as supposedly all potential buyers want also only beige or mud brown houses, but I have never bought that story.

I am not a beige kind of person. And I always take a position--which usually ends up costing me a job, a friendship, a group membership. Someone once (jokingly?) told me that I have borderline personality disorder. I thought that was very funny, because if there is one thing a borderline personality would hate more than anything else in the world, it is to be called borderline anything.

So it wasn't going to continue to be beige-ish and drab, this old farmhouse. So much of life is drab, and so many decisions are made to please others. We start out in life being filled with opinions, with love for the colours of the rainbow, and without worrying about the "market value" of anything. We laugh when we think something is funny (and we find a lot of things funny early on), and we enjoy the world.

Only not for long. In a way, despite what I just said about myself, I have gone beige and gray, and I am sad and worry about everything until there is no joy left, and little that is funny.  According to Rebbe Nachman, sadness is the greatest sin, and we must do everything we can to cultivate a laughing mind.

And so we painted the house peppercorn grey. That is what you see when you drive along the road and look up across the horse paddock or along the gravel driveway. The grey is like the old bank barn which looms above the house.





But for Rebbe Nachman and ourselves, and for all the people who sometimes or often forget to cultivate a laughing mind, however sad the world may be--for all of us, we painted the addition....


          

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

We're okay!!

We're okay, we say, we're well; zooming to see friends, it's great,  we're smiling, waving, smiling.  Smiling. And all around our elders trapped in airless rooms with only one way out: in body bags. Curbside the freezer trucks are waiting. Remember what it's like to hug,  to kiss, to be so close we dreamt each other's dreams? Will we remember--if we live? And will the woods be green again this spring? Will God forgive us our sins?

Teshuvah

  Photo Sasha Freemind on unsplash “Repentance,” like most words that have come into the English language from Latin, is thin on emotion, feeling. There is something cerebral about it that does not capture the sorrow, the regretting, the regressing to the fervored childlike promises of I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. But lashuv , to go back, means not only ”to regret,” it also means “to return.” This translation captures the hope that going back is always possible: going back to a pre-lapsarian world in which our wrongdoings are gone, in which we have not yet missed the mark ( cheit , the word for sin, being an archery term), in which broken relationships are healed without leaving scars, in which we ourselves are innocent again, having said No to the apple and the knowledge of good and evil. Yet somehow the notion of returning implies a place or a state of being to which we can return, as we move from the here and now to the there and then. But can we? How do I return when I a...

Something About Spring

There's something about spring.... Trees and shrubs madly competing to get all their leaves out first, big, fat, lush; grass turning too green, then being outdone by the too-yellow of a carpet of dandelion; tulips burning up the near-empty garden beds with hues of deep purple and barnfire reds. It's all somehow too much. And people, too, popping out of their sealed houses, shivering in thin shirts and sandals with grim determination, trying to ignore the hard spring breeze. In all that rushing towards new life, that frenzy seemingly shared by all living things, with the swallows repairing last year's nests, and the Canada Geese squatting in the middle of the hayfield, or even by the side of the road to get the new crop of children out ... in all that there is also denial, a forgetting of what fails to return, what has quietly ceased during autumn and winter: plants that went underground and have failed to rise again, animals whose last breath rode away on the stiff winds of...